best_enemies | Fic:The Mirrormask (Reply)

Erm... Hello. This is my first fanfic, so don't be too hard on me =)
Title The Mirrormask
Characters/Pairing: ten/simm!master, Iris Wildtyme
Raiting: PG-13
Genre: Humor
Wordcount: something like 4000... Blimey.
Summary: TARDIS gets lonely and ends up in a very strange kind of place. This is sort of a crossover with 'The Mirrormask', one of the loveliest movies I've ever seen, but you don't need to watch it before reading this fanfic, although I would highly recommend to, cause it's brilliant. And yes, I did put Iris, a Time Lady from audiobooks, here just to show off. Oh, and this fanfic contains one tiny little spoiler for 'Neverland'.
Note: My English is far from perfect. My lovely beta-tester

lucife is doing her best, it's a shame I don't always listen to her.
Disclaimer: BBC owns it all but for those bits owned by Neil Gaiman and all the nice people who created 'The Mirrormask'.

"Doctor, could you explain to me once more, what is this wretched place and what are we doing here!"

"Well, let's call it a Wonderland and we are looking for some object called the Mirrormask."

"And don't you mind me asking why?"

"Well, it wasn't me, moaning 'Doctor, please, let me operate the TARDIS, please, please, please', was it? So how the hell should I know?! Learn to face the consequences of your actions, Master."

"It wouldn't have happened had it not been for that Type40 cow of yours being such a wreck!"

"She just tried to shake you off the console. Can't blame her for that after all you've done to the poor girl."

"And how did we end up here without her!?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"Stop shouting at me."

"Sorry, Master. Look, let's just find that mask, all right?"

"But why are we looking for it? Unlike you I'm not in the habit of saving kittens unless they can be of any use for me. So?"

"The point is... I really don't know. Now when you've asked, I can't even recall having ever been told to do so. You?"

"Me neither."

"It's like... It's like... Oh, what is it like... Think, think... Ah! Of course, Master, it's like a dream! We are in a dream!"

"Sorry?"

"In a dream most illogical and impossible things make sense!"

"So, we are dreaming together? Gosh, that's a nightmare..."

"Well, not so sure about that..."

"So, we are not dreaming together?"

"The big question is, whose dream are we in. Mine, yours, or the Red King's? Oh, a Cartesian question..."

"No, no, no! I'm not having a philosophical debate on who we are and what we are and whether we are at all! Not again!"

"It was not about "we". It was about "I", for the only proof of your existence is my senses, which can not be relied on, and your words that are even more unreliable."

"I exist! How can you question it!"

"That's what you say. But if I were you, I wouldn't have trusted myself. Sorry."

"Look, we've had it settled, together with Descartes, that at least when I think, I exist. And I've never stopped thinking!"

"And how can I know that for sure?"

"You... You are a cunning cheeky bastard, Doctor!"

"Well, what do I care for whatever you think of me when I'm not even sure you are not a construct of my imagination?"

"Doctor, that's cheap."

"As you say, construct."

"Call me whatever you like, I'm not letting you into my mind! And don't whistle while I'm talking!"

"Why? Because you are the Master and I must obey you?"

"Doctor!"

"All right, all right! Sorry, got a bit carried away."

"Doctor, I do enjoy our little games of total denial sometimes, but right now I just don't feel like it. This place is not normal. It's creepy. It feels like I've already been here, only I can't really put my finger on it."

"Yeah, me too."

"I don't like it here. And something is telling me that this mask thing is not going to be of any help. And I keep forgetting things. Not even forgetting, it's like they are being pulled out of existence."

"More like it's the Red King who forgets them. And as we are part of his dream, we forget them too."

"But... Doctor, how can it be? TARDISes only travel in time and space, they do not travel in dreams."

"Yeah. But right now I can't find any adequate explanation, so why not proceed with our, erm, mission?"

"Hungry!"

"Search your pockets!"

"Nothing there... Ah, jelly babies! Here, kitty!"

"Still hungry!"

"Master, they are getting closer!"

"Doctor, why can't I just use my laser screwdriver?!"

"Because it's not your dream!"

"So what!?"

"Imagine dreaming of some paper cats you really like and then someone breaking into your dream and burning them up!"

"And if I don't like them?"

"Exactly! Since it's not your dream, you can't be sure. After all, who told you they were dangerous? Ouch! Well, never mind. They are. Ouch!"

"What kind of a man would dream of such nonsense!"

"Oh, no..."

"Oh no what? Ouch!"

"Not a man. Ouch! Get off me, beast! A woman. A Time Lady. A dead Time Lady, well, she can hardly be called a lady. And here she comes..."

"Doctor! Oh, you've come to me! I always knew your love was stronger than death! Shh, shh, bad cats!"

"Master, save me..."

"What are you whispering to your friend? Don't listen to him, young man! He keeps denying his feelings even when they are obvious!"

"Iris, please!"

"Oh, you are Iris! Pleased to meet you, I've heard all about you! Doctor, why don't you kiss your fiancée?"

"Master, stop pushing me, Master no, I'll kill you!"

"Master?! What are you doing here, you naughty boy?"

"Being your lover's pet."

"Oh, he is not my lover, no. It's a shame I never felt about him the way he does about me. Poor heartbroken thing..."

"Iris, stop this nonsense at once, will you? I'm not a gentleman I used to be, so don't push it!"

"All right, all right. Anyway, what are you two doing here?"

"And where is 'here'?"

"It's... Oh, I can't remember... I remember dying and then... Well, here I am. Are you two dead as well? Why are you staring at each other like that?"

"Master... Are you thinking of the same thing as me?"

"What, planet Earth served to me on a large silver dish?"

"No! This is the Matrix!"

"But it's gone, Doctor!"

"You two are talking gibberish. How can the Matrix be gone?"

"Went to dust along with Gallifrey the moment your humble admirer blew it up."

"Doctor!?"

"I had to. There was no other way."

"But it means you are dead, both of you."

"We are not!"

"Oh, come on, it's not that bad, after all. I've come to like it. Now, why don't we have some tea?"

"Master, this is all wrong. All of the Time Lords are gone, everyone. Torn out of time and space! The Gallifrey didn't just burn, without the Eye of Harmony it simply never was!"

"Don't you think it's rather impolite, whispering behind Iris's back while she is making us tea?"

"Master, concentrate."

"Isn't it obvious? Her cell of the Matrix stayed for the same reason you survived. She must have interfered with so many time lines, she simply couldn't have been erased."

"Whispering again, are you?"

"Sorry, Iris."

"I hope you still like your tea with milk, Doctor."

"Oh, he does. We have to land on Earth every five days when we are run out of milk."

"And you?"

"Do you happen to have any brandy?"

"Of course I do! Wait, I'll fetch the glasses."

"Master, you are not going to drink with a dead woman, are you?"

"No, I just wanted her to leave. So, this place is a scrap of the Matrix. How do we get out of here and where is the TARDIS?"

"I don't know. Literally, not a clue. Maybe that Mirrormask is not as useless as we think. Ah, Iris, do you know anything about the Mirrormask?"

"I don't think so, sweetie. Never heard of it. Why d’you ask?"

"It's just something we are looking for. Don't ask why."

"Master, will you pass those ciggies to me? Well, you might care to ask Valentine when he comes back. Oh, thank you dear."

"Who is Valentine?"

"He's me boyfriend."

"Your what?!"

"Oh, I’m so sorry, Doctor, that must be such a blow for you."

"I will survive."

"Doctor, you are so rude sometimes. Of course such a beautiful lady as you, Iris, can't be left on her own."

"Oh, thank you, Master. Why did the Doctor tell me you were wicked when you are such a sweetheart?"

"Sweetheart?! Him?! He destroyed one fortieth of the Universe, tried to kill me on any occasion no matter how unsuitable, and you are calling him a sweetheart? Iris, are you insane?!"

"No need to get so jealous of your friend, Doctor."

“Never mind him, Iris. Are you sure Valentine might help us?”

“Well, he says he is a very important man. He even has got a tower. I’ve never seen it to say the truth, he keeps babbling about it having flown off without him after he'd said something stupid, but what do I care for his tower when I’ve got his…”

“We really don’t need the details, Iris.”

“…heart, Doctor.”

“And he has only got one?”

“I don’t know, Master. That was a mere metaphor, maybe he has no heart at all. Well, since we are all dead here, there’s no heartbeat to check, is there?”

“Master, what do you think you are doing?! Get your hands off me!”

“I’m checking your heartbeats. No need to get so fussy. You know, they are both working perfectly.”

“Yes, I do. Let me check yours… Fine… Hey, stop beating out that rhythm, it’s bad for your health and is no longer funny.”

"Well, boys, if you two are alive, how did you get here?"

"It's all his fault!"

"Hey, you were operating the TARDIS, how can it be my fault!"

"And you left me on my own with her!"

"Oh, did you too choose the life cycle of the gallifreyan flutterwing?"

"What does the course they have not been giving yet when we were in the Academy have to do with us ending up literally in the middle of nowhere?"

"This is no nowhere, this is my world now, young man!"

"Sorry, Iris."

"You still haven't explained anything to me."

"You see, the Master got bored and wanted to operate the TARDIS. I let him have his fun and went to my library to put my new signed copy of 'Trough the Looking Glass' on a proper shelf. Then suddenly all I know is that my books have wings and a sepia-coloured paper librarian is trying to catch them with a butterfly net. And then they are not even my books any more!"

"Try to imagine my surprise. I wasn't even in the library when it all happened!"

"Doctor, are you sure you are not mad? Or maybe I am mad and you two are my hallucination?"

"Not again! We've already been through it!"

"He is a bit touchy on the subject of existence."

"No, I am not!"

"But it can't be for real, can it?"

"Well, basically... From my own experience, no matter how unbelievable something might be, it always has a good chance of being true. With the exception of all kinds of pagan gods."

"Considering that the Doctor once had Zagreus himself in his head...Or was it his bed, I’m not quite sure…"

"Hey, how did you know that!"

"When you are dead and stuffed into the Matrix gossip is all that's left."

"Gossip about me?"

"Oh, Doctor this, Doctor that, Doctor is so sweet, Doctor is so lovely, Doctor sacrificed himself for his friend... That was real hell."

“Have you two quite finished with that gibberish? It makes me dizzy.”

“Sorry, Iris, but this is all too wrong. We simply can’t, we even mustn’t be here! It’s even worse than hopping to parallel Universe!”

“Says the man who met himself less than a week ago.”

“That was an accident! Anything can happen if you forget to put your shields on and… Anything can happen… That’s it!”

“What?”

“Well, can’t you see?”

“Can’t I see what?”

“My TARDIS is the last TARDIS in existence, she must be dying for company.”

“So?”

“All alone, traveling through the time vortex, hoping wildly to get a glimpse of another one of her kind, knowing all too well how impossible it is, having that knowledge literally in her guts, she must have been going slightly mad. Then you of course, turned her into Paradox Machine.”

“She is back to normal now!”

“She is a living being! Living beings don’t get back to normal after such shocks easily, you know. Oh, you should know. Your madness has made quite a progress lately.”

“I’m not the one who kept talking to himself, you know.”

“Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness, while you are on its last stage. Back to the point. You hurt the TARDIS, fed some of your madness to her… Oh, my poor girl, what she must be suffering…”

“And you wanted to make her feel better by bringing me around. As brilliant as ever, Doctor.”

“Master, we are not discussing whose fault it is, all right?”

“Sorry, but I just thought I felt the slightest hint of accusation in your voice. How very stupid of me.”

“Master, stop distracting me! So, where was I?”

“Your TARDIS is mad and lonely.”

“Right. She strives for impossible, for another TARDIS. And if we consider, just for a second, that she might have caught a glimpse of one, a ghost…”

“Valentine’s tower!”

“Sorry?”

“Well, maybe not, but that ghost of a TARDIS must be here somewhere, so your Type40 rushed here hoping for a date.”

“And maybe putting the world in danger… That must be your negative impact!”

“I never put anything in danger just for a date, Doctor.”

“Oh, did you not? ‘What this country needs is a Doctor?’ Really, Master. You would do anything just to get my attention.”

“What?! I… Just get back to the point, Doctor. If we are right, and the TARDIS sensed a ghost of another one of her kind in this chunk of the Matrix suspended in the Vortex, why don’t we just go and search for her?”

“The thing is, are we right?”

“Yeah. It all sounds rather delirious. But… Doctor, why is Iris so silent?”

They both looked in her direction. She was dozing peacefully with empty bottle by her side.

“Has she always drunk so much?”

“And smoked like a chimney, yes.”

“Let’s just hope that Valentine is not a very suspicious type of a man.”

“I am usually hit by mothers. Not by boyfriends.”

“’Lucky you, I should say. How did we get here?”

“Hmph?”

“How did your TARDIS squeeze in this place? Through what?”

“Some kind of a gateway, a rip, a breach… Master, I think there was something important… I just can’t grasp it…”

“This world is very unstable, it keeps altering itself… Bits and pieces falling out of existence. But yes, there was something we both knew just a second ago...”

“Maybe we should just concentrate together...”

“So that you can get into my mind? I’m not stupid, Doctor.”

“Oh, yes you are. Why don’t you trust me?”

“Why should I? You never trusted me. ‘Like Alice, I try to believe three impossible things before breakfast’ – that was what you told me when I offered you my help once!”

“Alice… Alice and the looking glass… Just before we got here, I was holding a book… Or wasn’t I? Master, come on.”

“Where?”

“To the TARDIS!”

“Do you know where she is?”

“Well, we’ll find out.”

“Oh, dear...I’m so drunk…”

“Hello again. Iris. We were about to leave.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you can’t go out now!”

“Why not?”

“The shadows are coming.”

"Doctor, damn you! Did we really have to go out of Iris's lovely house when we were very articulately told not to? That's very you. That's just so very you..."

"Shh, Master, stop you moaning."

"I'm not moaning, I'm being reasonable."

"Staying in dead woman's house, drinking with her? I don't think so."

"Of course, going out when all those thick inky shadows are scavenging all the light they can find, that's the highest standard of reason."

"Yes, it is. Because if we don't find out what's happening here, we don't get out of here, so we'll be stuck here and scavenged by the shadows as well as the place itself. End of story."

"I've got that much, thank you. I'm a Time Lord, just like you are, remember?"

"Shh! Can you hear it?"

"Yes. And you are not saying what you want to say!"

"Oh, yes, I am. Run!"

“Master! Master, come on, wake up… No, no, don’t you dare do this to me, don’t you dare die! Oh, why do you always have to argue… Master, please…”

“Doc…tor…”

“Thank’s goodness!”

“Doc..tor, let go, I can’t breathe… Oh. That’s better. Stop looking at me like that, I’m fine!”

“And that’s why you are trembling all over, and can’t get to your feet?”

“I’m fine. Listen. I know what this place is.”

“Well, haven’t we agreed on it being a cell from the Matrix, that survived by some inexplicable miracle?”

“Yes, and it is. Oh, now I’m the one doing all the lecturing and you will just shut up and listen. What a delight.”

“Stop gloating. Just tell me.”

“Well, as there is matter and antimatter, time and antitime, there is also life and antilife. Not death, no, but antilife, form of existence which is nonexistence. And in between there is afterlife.”

“Master, I know you are mad, but…”

“Silence! Matrix was one of the forms of afterlife. It was totally destroyed, but for this one ridiculous bit. I just don’t know why it had to be this old bat’s bit…”

“Well, Iris has always been a bit careless, leaving things lying about, causing mayhem. Anyway, where did you get that antilife story from?”

“I’ve been dead, you know. And I could feel there was something there, something else, something coming. I kept thinking about it all the time, before Time Lords decided to resurrect me. Doctor, those shadows, they are antilife creatures. They want to get through to life through afterlife.”

“And this place is special. Life and afterlife can coexist here… How can this be true… Oh, Iris. I bet she has picked up some ancient artifact created by some powerful lunatic.”

“The Mirrormask, as a matter of fact, sounds like one.”

“It does. Still, tell me, how did those shadows leave you so alive and enlightened?”

“Well, I had to negotiate with them.”

“You and negotiate… Oh, I really don’t like the sound of it. What is the deal?”

“Why should I be telling you?”

“Because I’m asking nicely.”

“So, I tell you all my plans you work out a way to stop me? I still don’t think so.”

“Master, you never learn, do you? None of your nasty little schemes ever worked. Just tell me and I’ll stop you now. It’ll save us plenty of time.”

“I try hard not to be insulted. And it’s either you let me do what I want or we both die along with the whole of creation. For if the antilife gets through, the whole reality will be decimated, eradicated, obliterated, or any other word you like.”

“All right, but don’t you think I’ll let you do anything stupid.”

“Fine. The Mirrormask is what they are looking for. And the thing is, the freak who created it was a Time Lord.”

“Sometimes I wish I was human.”

“Sometimes you make me sick. Come on, we’ve got a tower to find.”

“Master, we’ve been walking for years. Haven’t your antilife friends given you any clues?”

“As a matter of fact they have.”

“Well, tell me then.”

“So that you are the one in charge? No.”

“Maser, you are nine hundred, not nine!”

“Oh, and just look there!”

“B-but… It’s my TARDIS!”

“It is.”

“Master, I don’t understand anything.”

“Your TARDIS is the only one in existence. There is no other one, not a ghost, not a glimpse, nothing.”

“So, how and why did she get here? This place has no coordinates in time and space, its existence is… Well, not impossible, since it exists, but a very-very weird one. The TARDIS wouldn’t have got somewhere with no coordinates for no reason!”

“No. But this place contains in itself one little abnormality, one object that has got coordinates. And it attracted your TARDIS, because it's of Time Lord origin, so she materialized around it.”

“Hey, but we should have noticed, shouldn’t we have?”

“But this place is so unstable. When the TARDIS got here, it rearranged itself, making her part of itself, as well as us. By the way, something is telling me that you are Valentine, Iris’s imaginary boyfriend. What a ghastly name… And also, the TARDIS made this afterlife place even more unstable, that’s why the shadows appeared. And they are very keen on getting to our reality.”

“Why, by the way?”

“Sheer curiosity. Many people wonder what’s there, after death, so do the antilife creatures.”

“And… What’s that horrible plan you have got in your head and wouldn’t tell me about?”

“Come and see, Doctor.”

“Master!”

“What?”

“That’s just… Beyond me! You go and nearly sacrifice yourself to the antilife creatures, to get the information you need, then you keep behaving like it can help you to bring some devilish plan of yours to life, while you only wanted to do the most obvious thing, the thing I would have done, find the Mirrormask and destroy it, locking the antilife where it is forever! Just why?”

“I didn’t want you to be in charge.”

“That’s childish!”

“No, it isn’t!”

“Is!”

“Isn’t!”

“Oh, you are just driving me insane! First you want to destroy the world to impress me, then you save it to impress me. Why are you so keen on impressing me?!”

“None of your business.”

“Will you stop trying my patience if I say that this time I am really impressed?”

“Maybe.”

“Well, errm… I am, well, impressed.”

“Now say it without ‘well’ and ‘errm’, Doctor.”

“I am impressed.”

“And more sincerely.”

“I am really impressed, I promise.”

“Still not sincere.”

“I’m so impressed by you, you just won’t believe it!”

“Once again, without sarcasm, and using my name.”

“Oh, dear… That’s just ridiculous!”

“Say it.”

“I’m really impressed by you, Master. Honestly.”

“Well, maybe that’ll do.”

“And no more crazy plans?”

“Well, I might consider giving it a thought.”

“Meaning?”

“You’ll never understand me, Doctor, you never did.”

“What do you want me to understand?”

“You are so blind, Doctor, so careless. Never looked at me twice when we were in the Academy together, never. I was doing your homework for you when you thought you were too clever to spend your time on something boring, I was looking at you as if you were some kind of god, so bright, so witty, so gorgeous. I wanted your attention so badly, but you… I was jealous of everyone you talked to, but of your favorite planet especially. And I wanted to have it, to have the whole world, since I couldn’t have you. And you know, the world wouldn’t have been enough to replace you.”

“Master, are you telling me you were doing all those nasty things because I’ve broken your heart?”

“Don’t laugh at me, Doctor.”

“I’m not, it’s just… Oh, what an idiot you are!”

“Yes, I know. Should have continued keeping it all to myself. Forget about what I’ve just told you, Doctor.”

“No, Master, not because you told me, but because you haven't told me before! Master, I… I’ve been in love with you since the Academy, all these 900 years, but you seemed so ambitious, so immaculate, I thought you would never want someone like me around, with my 51% on second attempt.”

“So, you mean, we are both idiots?”

“Sort of, yes.”

“Oh, dear.”

“Yeah.”

“We’ve wasted 900 years. Shall we waste any more?”

“Nope.”

“Doctor, you are a damn good kisser.”

“Can’t return the compliment, I’m afraid.”

“Didn’t have much practice, sorry.”

“You’ll learn.”

“Doctor, stop. Enough for the first time, I need to have some sleep before tomorrow.”

“And what are you going to do tomorrow?”