Progression

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Title: Progression
Rating: I'd say NC-17, I guess...?
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters: Theta and Koschei
Pairings: Koschei/Theta
Warnings: Semi-sexual-but-not-really content. Also, this was written by someone who is still receiving her Classic!Who education, so, you know... Tell me if I've got anything glaringly wrong. TRIGGER WARNING: Near-rape experience.
Genre(s): Friendship, romance, hurt/comfort, angst
Synopsis: Theta is introduced to a dark-haired boy who scowls when the instructor uses his formal name, and says as soon as the man is gone, “Don't call me that. I'm Koschei.”

( They shake hands, and Theta smiles... )

It's the day after the Schism and nobody is really talking to anybody else. Most of them wonder if their reactions were normal, and some of them are sure that theirs weren't, and all of them have heard the rumors that Theta Sigma ran screaming. Many of them ran, but not screaming, and Theta is always so cheerful, and he seems rather calm as he walks through the foyer when everyone is going home, so maybe it's a lie, but when he finds his parents he grabs his mother's hand and doesn't let go and she picks him up to hug him and he lets her and everyone is watching but he doesn't seem to care, and most of them realize on some level that they really, really want to do the same thing but aren't quite brave enough.

On the first day at the Academy, they're told that their roommates were specifically selected to balance them out, and no room changes will be allowed. Theta is introduced to a dark-haired boy who scowls when the instructor uses his formal name and says as soon as the man is gone, “Don't call me that. I'm Koschei.” They shake hands, and Theta smiles and they start talking, and they seem to be so much alike that he wonders if there was a mistake somewhere, because they aren't going to balance each other out at all.

They're playing mind games, but the instructor won't let them call it that. It's telepathy, and it's serious, and they have to be very careful with it. They're paired up and ordered to stare into each other's eyes long enough to phase out the rest of the world, and they are not, under any circumstances, to initiate physical contact because they aren't even close to being ready for that level yet. Theta is as excited and not-really-listening as the rest of the class, and he's happy enough when he ends up with Koschei as his partner, but when he looks at Koschei's eyes he sees something scary and horrible and familiar, he's seen it before, and every nerve in his body wants him to bolt from the room but this is Koschei, he's not going to run away from Koschei, and anyway whatever it was, it's gone now and he was probably just being silly.

Theta learns quickly that they aren't supposed to balance one another out so much as keep each other in check, or at least he's keeping Koschei in check, or, at least, he's trying. Koschei seems to be of the opinion that he's meant to do exactly the opposite to Theta. He skips the classes that don't interest him, and Theta is tired of being stuck in Paradoxical Theory with no one to even pass notes to, and he pretends he's angry that Koschei is jeopardizing his education but they both know Koschei will pass the exam, somehow, even if that's the only time he's in the classroom. One day before class Koschei runs up to him in the hall, and he's covered in something and grinning and grabbing Theta's hand and dragging him towards the school doors and saying “You've got to see this!”, and Theta knows that it's a really, really bad idea, that it's wrong to skip class, that he's told Koschei this a hundred times in the past week, but maybe being late won't hurt.

The telepathy classes are more boring than they have any right to be, whatever the instructor says about safety and repetition, and most of the students are tired of staring at one another. Theta pretends to be, but he thinks maybe he's doing something right because he's starting to see things in Koschei's eyes – not scary things like before, but brilliant things, amazing things, and he can't tell exactly what they are yet but they look like ideas, and he smiles because everyone knows that Koschei is a genius, but he can see it.

Koschei always skips the optional music class, and Theta doesn't know why. He says it's because it's a stupid class to have at the Academy, that it's got nothing to do with time, but Theta's told him again and again that if he'd only come with him once, just come and see, he'd understand that it has everything to do with it, and Koschei finally relents and agrees to attend just one of the classes. He sits and watches and listens as the music starts, looking determinedly bored, until the song picks up speed and the drums start up, keeping tempo. The drummer is new and can't quite stay in rhythm, and it's distracting and annoying but Theta knows he'll learn. It's not until halfway through the song that Theta realizes Koschei is gone, and he doesn't dare stop playing because the teacher hates it when students do that, but as soon as they're done he makes an excuse and runs out before the next song starts up. Koschei is sitting in the hallway with his hands over his ears, shaking and pale and Theta doesn't know what to do, so he kneels next to him and takes one of his hands and says, “Koschei, I'm sorry, I won't make you come with me again, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's my fault, I don't know what it is but I won't make you do it again, Koschei, but please move, or say something, you're scaring me –”

They're still not to touch each other during telepathy practice, but Theta doesn't mind the slowness of the class. He's finding all sorts of things in Koschei's eyes, and he still can't tell what most of them are but he can see them, and it's incredible, and he wonders if Koschei can see anything in his, and then he's self-conscious because he knows whatever's in his mind can't be as good as what's in Koschei's, but he pushes those thoughts away and concentrates harder, trying to make one of the ideas he can see take on a recognizable shape, and he's almost got it when he's suddenly hit with lightning and fire and ice all at the same time, and his mind is stinging, burning, hurting in a way that he knows he's going to miss the moment it stops, and then it's over and Koschei's hand is still clutching his wrist where he grabbed it and he realizes he must have screamed because the class is gathered around them and the instructor is shouting at Koschei, but Koschei is staring wide-eyed at Theta, not listening at all.

It's their tenth year at the Academy and they're allowed room changes. Most of the students sign up for them, not out of spite for their roommates but excitement at the prospect of meeting someone new to bounce ideas off of and study with and talk to about life. Koschei brings it up in conversation, with the casualness that only comes from planning something all day, and Theta shrugs and tells him that he hasn't really thought about it. “You don't want to, do you?” Koschei asks, and he sounds like he did when they were little and choosing partners for a project and their instructor suggested that the two of them work with someone else for a change, and Theta says no.

Like many of their classmates, they use the telepathy as a sort of study tool now, sitting down on one of the beds and exchanging information, prompting one another with silent questions and suggestions, and Theta always feels his pulse skip for a moment when they start and stop. Suddenly he's back in the classroom, all those years ago, frightened and exhilarated and wanting more, only now he understands things well enough to be properly unnerved by this. One night when they move to separate their minds and their hands – the easiest way to initiate the physical aspect of the process –, Theta finds himself backed against the wall, one of Koschei's hands on his cheek and the other on his wrist, like the first time, and he gasps and scrambles unthinkingly to get his own hands somewhere, anywhere on Koschei, closer, more, and he doesn't have to search for Koschei's thoughts because they're his own, his are Koschei's, and when their lips meet he isn't sure who he is.

Sometimes he gets tired of letting Koschei be the one in charge, but whenever Koschei agrees to switch he's nervous and unsure and he can tell Koschei wants to laugh at him, and he's almost grateful when things go back to normal the next time. It doesn't occur to him for a long time, far too long, that he should be worried by Koschei's preferences.

There's a war, and they've been asked for help, and they've declined, which is the expected result when these things happen, and Theta swallows guilt and tries not to think of how long it will be before he can make a real difference, but Koschei's not patient enough for that. Third period that day is held by an instructor who had a big hand in the decision to remain neutral in the conflict, and by the time the class ends Koschei has shouted himself hoarse and received a detention he won't show up to, and when Theta tries to talk to him he pushes him away and stalks to his next class. In their room that night, Theta is shaken awake to find Koschei clutching his shoulders and begging him to listen, “Listen, can't you hear them?! They want us to fight, they want me to fight, we have to fight, I have to shut them up, I can't stand it anymore!” and Theta catches himself staring because Koschei is crying, and Koschei doesn't cry, Koschei never cries. He sits up and pulls him into his arms, bewildered and terrified but wanting to help, but he hasn't been holding him for more than a minute before Koschei turns and kisses him, fiercely and desperately and too hard, and still crying, and Theta can't catch his breath to protest as he's pushed against the headboard, Koschei's hands all over him, his thoughts everywhere, and they're awful and afraid and too much, and he's still kissing him, still crying, and Theta wants to pull away, wants to tell him that this isn't what he needs, that everything's all right, that he's hurting him, but Koschei's hand is at his throat now, and he's pinned and dizzy and he can't move, can't breathe, and he thinks he might be crying now, too, because Koschei has never stopped him from saying no. He shuts his eyes and tells himself that it's fine, that Koschei's just upset, that he won't go too far, and he makes himself believe that he thinks this is true but he still almost sobs in relief when it turns out he's right. Koschei lies unmoving on top of him, clinging to him and murmuring urgent and sleepy thank-yous, but no apologies, never apologies, and he won't surrender to sleep until Theta returns the embrace. Theta does so and manages to calm his own horrible shaking by telling himself that at least Koschei isn't crying anymore. At least he's helped.



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