best_enemies | Song: Baker Got Back (Reply)

It's a statistical likelihood that everyone knows Baby Got Back, yes? Or the Johnathan Coulton cover? Well you/we/they may be less aware of its unholy fandom offspring (fanspring?), Baker Got Back. Yes, it does break the fourth wall, and no, it's not about the one with the scarf.

A version without the middle eight, recorded by an excellent humanoid who wishes to remain anonymous is here: click it, go on, do.
And lyrics are below the cut.

Baker Got Back

[Daleks]
OH, MY, GOD, SE-K, OB-SERVE AT HIS POST-ERIOR REGION.
ITS DI-MENSONS ARE IMPROBABLE. *scoff* HIS APPEAR-ANCE IS SIMILAR TO
THE ASSO-CIATES OF NOTABLE EVIL TIME LO-RDS.
BUT WHO CAN UNDER-STAND THE MENTAL PRO-CESSES OF TIME LORDS? *scoff*
OTHER LIFE FORMS ONLY COMM-UNICATE WITH HIM BECAUSE
HIS APPEARANCE IS HIGHLY SUGGES-TIVE.
CLAR-IFICATION: HIS GLUTEUS MAX-IMUS,
MY SENSORS MUST BE GIVING IN-ACCURATE READINGS OF ITS RA-DIUS,
ITS MEA-SUREMENTS ARE SO UN-USUAL AS TO BE UN-SETTLING,
IT IS DECI-DEDLY...COS-MIC.

[Master]
I like big butts and I cannot lie
You other villains can't deny
That when a man walks in with a brightly-coloured waist
And a round thing in your face
You get nefarious, wanna get vicarious
Thrills from watchin' that butt ride up
Deep in the trews he's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh Doctor, I wanna get it on
And kidnap your companions,
My minions tried to warn me
But that thing you got makes me so horny
Ooh, you wit' the golden can
You say you wanna break up my plan?
Well foil me, foil me,
'Cause I'll always come back for more, see?
I've seen him runnin'
And that butt was stunnin'
It's so fine from the base of his spine,
I gotta trap him and make him mine
I'm tired of human beings
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average Time Lord and ask him that
He gotta pack much back
So, Trakens! Cheetahs!
Has your nemesis got the butt?
Tell him to shake it! Shake it!
Shake that cosmic butt!
Baker got back!

[High Council]
(Human face with the cosmic booty)
Baker got back!

[Master]
I like 'em round, and big
Not all skinny like the Brig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna beam you up, jack
And get you in my cosmic loveshack
I ain't talkin' bout Shalka
'Cause robot parts couldn't handle ya,
I like 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mister M's in trouble
Leerin' for a piece of that bubble
So I'm watchin' security vids
Of the whole Team TARDIS, that's how it is
You can let those humans know,
I don't want no Jamie or Jo
And Doctor if you're still there, I wanna get with ya
I might well try to kill ya
But I gotta be straight when I say that I wanna
Chase you round hallways till the break of dawn
Baker got it goin' on
A lot of fans won't like this song
'Cause them lot like their Tens and their Fives
And I'd rather wait 'til we're up to six lives
'Cause it don't feel wrong, I waited so long
And it's time I got my rainbow on
So, Doctor! Sixy!
If you wanna rule the cosmos with me!
Then turn around! Stick it out!
Even Davros got to shout
Baker got back!

[High Council]
(human face with the cosmic booty)
Baker got back!

[Master]
Yeah, Baker ... when it comes to Doctors, belt size ain't got nothin'
to do with my selection. 35-29-35? Maybe, if he's Jon Pertwee.

[Master]
T' companion makes you cycle, eat steamed veg an' rice, oh
Cos Mel can't hack any of that downstairs dough, no,
But my goosnake don't want none
Unless you've got the buns, hun
You can regenerate into something I'd hate,
But please don't lose that butt
Some scientists wanna be all cold
And tell you that the butt ain't gold
So they clone it up and leave it
And I pop up quick to retrieve it
So the haters say you're fat
Well I wanna get down with that!
'Cause your clothes are cool and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To those skinny humans on their diet spree
You don't need none of that, Sixy!
Give me a Time Lord, I'll never get bored,
Shake that butt and I know I've scored,
Some cyberman tried to diss
'Cause your butt ain't hard like his
He's got buns of steel but the thing ain't real
The proof of the pudding's always in the feel,
So Doctor, if the butt is round,
And you want a starbound throw down,
Call M-A-S - T-E-R
And bring some cake with you
Baker got back!

[All]
(Human face with the cosmic booty) [x4]