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[captainpegas.livejournal.com]

Title One of these days
Characters/Pairing: ten/simm!master, tardis
Raiting: PG-13
Genre: Humor
Summary:  Just another fanfiction where the Doctor and the Master end up in bed after the latter has not been killed by Lucy.

The TARDIS was orbiting a breathtakingly beautiful star, and the Doctor was sitting in the library, rereading “War and Peace”, thinking whether they should pay Napoleon a visit. Suddenly, TARDIS jolted slightly. Not much to worry about, but with the Master on board nothing was insignificant.

As the Doctor entered the console room, his jaw dropped open.

“Oh, you know, dear girl, I’m so glad you are no longer cross with me. We should make friends, you and me. After all, I’m not that bad. You know, once I even wanted to kill Chopin’s wife before she broke his heart. He could have lived longer without her. Just think of all the music he could have written! Never liked it myself, but the Doctor does. Wanted to make him a present. But I changed my mind after the dreadful woman tried to get me into bed. Was too disgusted to stay long enough to kill her. Oh, hello, Doctor. Wanna join us?”

"You are drinking with my TARDIS!"

The Doctor simply could not believe his own eyes. After all those times the TARDIS tried to kill the Master, how could they possibly be just drinking brandy peacefully?

 

She hit the Master for the first time on the third day after the Doctor brought him to her, handcuffed, struggling and promising to carry on with killing Jack (doing it on public and for money, simply to buy the bloody planet after some time) the moment he gets back to freedom. The Master was swearing and calling the TARDIS a cow.

 

That time, the Doctor thought it was an innocent joke.

 

On the fifth day he found the Master trembling with fear in a wardrobe, and thought it was the Master’s madness, nothing more.

 

And then the Master simply disappeared for more than two weeks. At first the Doctor thought he must have been staying in his bedroom, sulking or planning some fruitless attempt of escape. But since there was only one kitchen in the TARDIS keeping no trace of the Master, he grew a bit suspicious. It was hardly believable, of course, and he feared she might be deeply insulted by such suspicions, nevertheless he asked her. She glowed indignantly. Even too indignantly. The Doctor got very serious and even threatened to kick the console heavily. After half an hour of exhausting telepathic interrogation, the TARDIS had to admit her intentions and show the true whereabouts of her victim.

The Doctor found the Master deep in the corridors of the TARDIS, pale and weary. He was sitting on the floor, his eyes closed and his breath shallow. The Doctor carried him carefully to his bedroom then. He looked so helpless, so innocent. Like a baby. It was really weird, changing one of the evilest Time Lords into pajamas, putting him to bed and covering him with a quilt. The Doctor couldn’t quite remember if he has ever done this to his own children, or little Susan. His hearts were being torn apart with tenderness and compassion, as he looked at the Master, so gentle in his sleep. Somehow all the crimes this man has ever committed seemed far away, as if it all happened in a dream or in a story that had nothing to do with reality. He looked so beautiful and so unhappy...

The Doctor nursed him back to health in two days. Back to his physical health only, for being spoon-fed by one’s nemesis is not what a doctor would prescribe for keeping a man sane. The Master looked like he hated his own existence, but nevertheless, at the decline of the second day, he was back to normal, fully dressed and on his feet. Of course, his drums got much worse and he developed a strong TARDIS-phobia, so he was clinging to the Doctor as if the latter was his mommy (even wanted the Doctor to take bath with him, so that the TARDIS doesn’t drown him, that's how ridiculous evil geniuses can get sometimes)

The Doctor wanted to help the Master with the drums. But it was useless.

Every time they just ended up insulting each other.

Pretty soon, the Master started drinking heavily. The Doctor thought that having no alcohol on board would solve the problem, but after the Master nearly got his neck broken trying to get out of the TARDIS during one of their milk-trips to Earth, just to get a bottle of something 45% strong, the Doctor gave up. Now he only hoped the Master might get bored with this habit one day.

But instead it was only getting worse. And finally it has come to this – Master and the TARDIS drinking together.

“Master, you are drinking with my TARDIS!

"And getting on well, aren't we, sweetheart? There you go, good girl, glow that shade again. Pretty."

"What do you think you are doing?!"

"I'm trying to eliminate an enemy by making her my friend. Don't you think it's a good idea?"

"Treating my glorious ship like a cheap whore? I don't think so."

"Well, glorious she might be, but I owed her a drink after all I had to do with her, didn't I? And I know how to earn a lady's forgiveness."

"So, lady," said the Doctor taking the glass the Master put on the console, "You are a TARDIS, you don't drink, remember? Oh, don't give me that growling, you know I'm right. The party is over."

"What a wet blanket you are, Doctor."

"Master, just tell me, what's the point in drinking?"

"I've been pretending to be a human, remember? All those parties... Sometimes you have to drink your way up in politics. No wonder they always get into trouble."

"And about George Sand..."

"What, about her trying to get me in her bed? Well, that's a long story, you see, the wretched woman could sense if a man is good in bed, so when I came to visit them..."

"No. It's just that I wanted to point out how perverted your vision of good deeds is. Good in bed... Don't make me laugh, you've already sent Rani to giggles once."

"How did you know that?! It's private."

"Urgh... Oh, well... She said it while laughing at me."

"I see. How far did you get with her?"

“Asked her out for a dinner. You?”

“Wrote a love poem.”

“What?!”

“I was young and stupid! And I only did that so that she doesn’t become your girlfriend!”

“No, no. It was me who did that so that she doesn’t become your girlfriend!.”

They stared at each other suspiciously for a couple of moments and breathed out “No way!” simultaneously.

“You've always been in love with me!”

“Stop talking at the same time as me!”

“Why have you never told me?”

“I said stop it!”

“Right… Oh, I spoke first this time, Master! So, you’ve always been in love with me and never told me because you thought I never loved you and you tried to kill me so many times because this feeling contradicted with your megalomaniac essence. And I’ve always loved you and never told… Well, because you kept trying to kill me. Oh, and that's why you would not let me into your mind. Did I miss something?”

“No.”

“Should we waste any more time talking?”

“No.”

“Bedroom, then.”

“Bedroom.”

 

The Master was clinging to the Doctor, looking into his eyes devotedly. The Doctor was smiling in a slightly patronizing way.

"Doctor? Is it me, or is it Pink Floyd playing?"

"One of these days I'm going to cut you into little pieces," the Doctor whispered mockingly into Master's ear.

"How very subtle."

"Well, I guess the TARDIS chose it at random, to drown the noise."

"Noise?!"

"You were screaming like a slut!"

"Look who is talking!"

"I wasn't the one, whimpering 'Be my master', you know."

"I might get insulted, Doctor."

"Sorry. I sometimes fail to notice when I'm being rude."
And they carried on kissing.

 

- And what are you going to do tomorrow?

- The same as ever. Try to take over the world!